I am remiss!!! Or in a funk???

And probably a lot lazy... I am finding it hard to keep up the momentum to blog daily.


Maybe I need a challenge or something.


Anyway, I dont expect anyone to be reading since I am not regularly blogging, but here I am anyway.


Life is hectic, frustrating, and it seems like I am going in reverse most days. 


My work is a huge cluster. Our department, in fact, the entire facility is at a constant state of unrest and believe me, that is exhausting for me. I have been accused of caring too much by some, and of not caring enough by others. On one hand, I find myself trying to decide if I want to continue to work in an environment that is so messed up, not professional, with people who are unable to even tolerate the slightest bit of stress that an emergency department in a big hospital functions on without drama on a daily basis. And on the other hand, I really love my manager, and I like the small hospital atmosphere that it can provide. So I sit, and I wait, and I hope that some day things will get better. I really wish that the powers that be would understand that there are people in our hospital who are very very good, and there are many who are very very bad... 


ok enough about that. Home life is hit and miss. Dana and I work opposite shifts most of the time. His boss has an uncanny ability to predict my schedule and then make him work on his days off. If I want to do something, I usually do it alone. 


I am ready for fall, and its still summer here, 90's and higher temps and its ALMOST OCTOBER!!!! something is seriously wrong with this weather. 


One good thing thats going on, is that I started a new diet about 10 days ago. I am on the New Atkins and I really love it. I never feel hungry, no cravings and I dont feel deprived about anything. WOOT! down 8lbs so far, yay me!


I am off to read other blogs, I promise to try to blog better in the future!!

Someday....

I hope to be sitting on a beach in Hawaii, watching the sunset, listening to this song.


Enjoy my friends...

Pour Your Heart Out Wednesday,

Or Thursday, or even Friday! LOLOL I have to confess, I completely forgot to post on Wednesday, so here I am!


Pouring my heart out... 


I am afraid I am burned out. It does happen. In fact, it happens a lot. I have been working as an ER nurse for 15 years. Before I went to the ER I was working Med-surg, which I enjoyed, as a new graduate nurse I had many good preceptors and mentors who trained me well. 


Then I ended up going to the ER. And it became my career. Back in the late 90's and early 2000's it was pretty commonly noted that ER nurses burned out in 8 years. This means I have almost worked 2 ER nurse lifetimes.. and I smell smoke.


My patients do not ever know the level of my discontent. In fact, I enjoy talking to my patients and am commonly told that I must really love my job, when in actuality I dont. 


I have thought about this a lot, I hold my practice to extremely high standards because I do not believe that a nurse should be working in emergency medicine without extremely high standards, however I work with many many nurses who just do enough to get by. They dont want to learn, they dont want to listen to those of us who know what we are talking about because they know it ALL.... then they make huge mistakes. And management comes to us to find out how to avoid these mistakes, because we dont make them. 


My answer is always the same, our standards of nursing excellence in our department is very low. And until people are held accountable for raising their quality of nursing then mistakes will happen.


I think back to my mentors throughout my ER career, I realize with great pride that I was taught by some amazing women. I have always wanted to pass my expertise and wisdom on to others, they just dont want to hear it, so I keep my mouth shut. And I make sure that MY patients are well cared for, and that I am in no way EVER associated with those who do crappy work. As it stands right now the doctors come to me and treat me like an associate, not like a subordinate. I appreciate their trust, and their confidence. 


My desire for my future is to move forward and work in what, I hope, will be a job opening in the upcoming months. I have been working as assistant Trauma Coordinator/Trauma Registrar at our hospital and I would love to move on to the permanent Trauma Coordinator when the economy eases up and the job is available. Please keep your fingers crossed for me, it would really make my life easier!!!!

An ER Story (could be slightly graphic to some)

I was a fairly new ER nurse, and it was late summer. Could have been around this time of year, school had just started and the first  High School football game of the season was being played..


The town where I worked, was fairly small, probably less than 20,000 people, but in the midwest, High School football was a major event and drew huge crowds.


Our EMS received a dispatch to one of the local parks, for an "unknown problem". Not unusual, and during a football game it could have been anything. Little did we know what was about to transpire.


About 5-7 minutes after arriving at the scene, our paramedic came on the radio and informed us that they were at the scene of a stabbing and they were going to "load and go". oh crap. This meant they were not going to prolong their "on scene" time to start IV's  etc, they had to get in the bus and roll... for their safety.


Less than 5 minutes later they pulled into our ambulance bay, running "Code Red", which indicated to us that they had an extreme emergency on board. It was extreme all right, a 17 yr old african american male, with multiple stab wounds. 17 to be exact. One for every year of his young life. 


When we off loaded him from the ambulance into the ER, he was trying to talk, covered in blood, and with alarm, I noticed a huge hole in the side of his neck. Every time his heart pumped, blood gushed out of the hole. The experienced staff talked me through every step. we lost his pulse immediately after he was moved to the ER stretcher. We never got it back. I had to hold pressure on the gaping wound in his neck throughout the entire code, it seemed like each time the paramedic pushed on his chest, blood would escape from yet another hole in this poor boys body.


We finally ceased resuscitation, and knowing this was a crime scene, it became my job to ready the body for the coroner. This included carefully detailing my documentation, and trying to contain his body without disrupting any evidence. The trauma room looked like someone had been murdered... they had.


I had on a trauma gown and gloves, mask etc. and I was covered with blood. I had to step across the hall to get some supplies, and realized that our hallway was lined with SWAT team members! There was a riot brewing in our parking lot!!!


The story was, that this young man was at a birthday party at a local park, and also at the park were two rival gangs from another town in the state. One of the gang members said something about this boys mother and a fight ensued. When EMS arrived there were over 300 people in the park, and it ended up a virtual mob scene.


We just never know what is going to roll in the door. More ER stories to come!

Pouring My Heart Out!

I read a really cool blog called Things I cant say and she has started a meme, (kind of) called "Pour your heart out Wednesday"


I have decided to join in and take a day to "pour my heart out". Today is my first PYHO post. If you want to join in, just go to the link above and you can be part of it too! Just a few rules apply:


Again, just a brief reminder that everyone linking is pouring their hearts out and we should all be respectful in our comments. ;)

OK.. here I go, my version of PYHO edition #1. I think I will do this one today and the rest of them on Wednesdays from now on. 


Regret. I wish I could say I have no regrets in my life. But I do. I have many. I regret that I married so young, I regret that I wasnt in love with the man that I married, but most of all I regret that I stayed too long in a bad marriage. I regret that my adorable, loving daughter had to live in such a horrible environment of hate for so long. 


Maybe this is why I dont fight with Bre. We have been through so much in our lives that we are like survivors of some horrible plane crash or some traumatic situation. It was traumatic.


Most of all, I regret that I stayed in that marriage for 21 years. 


God please forgive me..

Eureka!!!

I guess small things amuse small minds, I have been working on my blog format all afternoon trying to figure out why some of my friends cannot comment on my blog.


With the help of Debbie at gittinitouttamyhead I have figured it out!! woo hoo! Thank you Debbie!


Ok, on with my post. Still having drama by the tons at my job. Its getting so bad that I am really not happy going to work anymore. Now I have to decide if I want to change jobs now or just wait it out. I havent made up my mind yet, its just so sophomoric that I want to scream. Wish I could retire....


My crazy patient of the week story- 30 yr old male comes in with a small laceration on the base of his thumb (over the knuckle) he was fine when he got there, but the longer he sat, the worse he got. By the time he left he was crying, kicking his feet and writhing in the bed..... I guess he "doesnt like needles"  His wife sat there with a tiny baby who was more mature than the dad!!!


I get really tired of whiny people!


Have a great day everyone!! I will be back tomorrow!

hurtful people...

They are everywhere!! I have run into so many hurtful people lately, that it is making me want to scream!


One of my dear friends at work is being bullied and ganged up on because she is outspoken, a professional, and expects others to maintain a standard of patient care that she maintains. This is not a bad trait, but because of her strong personality and because she is not a whiner, she is feeling that her job is in jeopardy. The hurtful people in our department are out of control and no one seems to notice. Or maybe, no one seems to care.


One of my dear online friends is being bullied much the same way. In her blog she opened herself up and shared some feelings about a friendship that has deteriorated and now she is being bullied by a member of this persons family. What is up with that????


Life is too short y'all. In my profession,  I see people die at too young of an age, I see family members grieve and wish their loved ones back with all of their heart. I think we all need to dig deep into our hearts and realize that people have feelings, and those feelings are very close to the surface sometimes.


I know I am preaching to the choir here, but thank you all for listening, I had to get this off of my chest.

Can I just take a pill??

I need to start this post, by saying that I think I work in THE most drama filled department known to man.


Our teeny tiny hospital has more drama than any huge medical center on earth. We have so many trouble makers, and drama queens that constantly disrupt the flow of the department, that it is seriously like a 3 ring circus! 


I am becoming very intolerant of these whining, crybabies and their feeble attempt at being the center of attention. Maybe its because I am older than they are, or maybe its because I have worked in much bigger, busier, wilder emergency rooms and seen some pretty amazing drama there, or maybe I am just done with the whole scene.


Whatever it is, I think I am about to blow sky high and say things that I might regret later!


Can I just take a pill and make it all go away? LOLOL


More to come.....

How Important Is It??

I have been tossing this around in my head for a while, and I would like to throw the question out there to the masses..


How important is it to be thin, if you are not having health related issues with your current weight?


I heard a quote by Tyra Banks not long ago, and to paraphrase, she said she promotes good health, no being thin. (this from a former supermodel is really amazing to me)


It made me think, just how important is that number on the scale? I have a friend who works for weight watchers (hi Sandi ) and she would probably agree with me, I am not convinced that a certain  low NUMBER makes me healthier than a higher number. I doubt that the powers that be at weight watchers would agree with Sandi and I though. LOL


Some of you know me better than others and know that I have battled my weight all of my life. I was the fat kid, the fat teenager, and the fat adult. My highest known weight was 324# 15 years ago, and now I am 97# lighter, but I am still not "thin". I say "known" weight because I have a feeling I was heavier at one time, but I didnt step on the scale.


I am not sure I will EVER be "thin". I have a genetic predisposition to obesity, because I am primarily of native american descent. (the blonde hair is from the beauty shop. LOL) Cherokee Indians are NOT thin. None of the women in my family are thin. My mom and my dad were both native american, my dad is cherokee, my mom is blackfoot, so my sisters and I have been kind of doomed from the start. Both of my sisters are overweight too, so I know its not just me. 


I am trying to figure out what the definition of "thin" is for me?  


Health-wise, I am a type II diabetic. Another curse that goes along with my ancestry. I dont use insulin, I am not horribly out of control, and my blood pressure has not been high since I lost weight. my cholesterol is low, and with the exception of bad knees (8 years of high school and college softball and lots of skiing in my life), and sciatica (from a skiing accident) I am not in bad shape. My diabetes will be with me forever, no matter what my weight is.


Maybe I am trying to give myself "permission" to accept myself as I am and understand that there is nothing wrong with being me, maybe I am trying to give myself excuses for not wanting to diet every day of my life. 


I am interested to hear what you all think, not necessarily about my situation but about the topic in general. 


Is it more important to be thin or to be healthy??

Inner Peace...

The end of a hectic week makes me want some inner peace. This song provides me with that.


Please sit back, close your eyes, hear and feel the music. My all time favorite song sung by the one person who brings it to life. The most breathtaking performance of this song to me, was at the Vancouver Olympics opening ceremonies. Unfortunately, the 2010 Olympic Committee will not let the video be posted. This is the next best performance.


Enjoy...

Respect

Main Entry: ¹re·spect 

Pronunciation: \ri-ˈspekt\

Function: noun

Etymology: Middle English, from Latin respectus, literally, act of looking back, from respicere to look back, regard, from re- + specere to look — more at spy

Date: 14th century

1 : a relation or reference to a particular thing or situation 
2 : an act of giving particular attention : consideration
3 a : high or special regard : esteem b : the quality or state of being esteemed c plural : expressions of respect or deference s>

Is it me, or has the society kind of lost the ability to respect others? By now, I am sure we have all hear about the Jet Blue flight attendant who reacted (pretty negatively) to being cussed at and hit in the head by a passenger on a recent flight.

In this case, who didnt respect who? It probably went both ways, but I am sure the incident was escalated by the way the passenger treated the flight attendant. I wonder, was it really necessary? Sometimes I stand back and observe the way people act while out in public, and I am telling you, it can be an eye opening experience.

In my workplace, patients nowadays have the idea that they can talk anyway they want to the staff, act anyway they want and because we have to see every person who walks in the door, we are required by law to take the abuse. Not so any more. This is an entirely different post and I wont take up time today with this, but the time is coming when ER staff will not have to deal with the abuse.

I have had my eyes opened recently, and am vowing to practice tolerance and respect for others. Please, everyone, try to do the same. The world will be a better place if we all make a conscious effort.......

Did you ever??

Have to try to find THE perfect haircut from pictures online?


I need to change my hairstyle, and since I have short short hair sometimes that is a challenge. I see women with haircuts like I want but I cannot explain it! argggg. I have an appointment on Wednesday to get my hair cut so I have a couple days too look, what a challenge!


OK moving on, yesterday Dana and I went up on Grand Mesa to my sisters cabins. We had a really fun day, it was heating up down here in the valley but it was in the 60's up there (9,000ft) and then it rained a little and the temperature dropped to 54 degrees! I was WEARING A COAT! WAHOO!!! I can feel it, fall is right around the corner!


What a relaxing day, just hanging with my sisters, laughing, talking and after a while we even had to turn the pellet stove on!


Wish we had a cabin of our own but there is really no need, between my two sisters they have 3 cabins, so there is always somewhere to stay.


Before I sign off, I have to ask if anyone out there watches the "Housewives" reality shows?? I started watching The Housewives of DC last week and seriously, it is just like a train wreck! I cant stop watching it! OMG am I getting addicted?


Time will tell......

Godspeed Maywood PD

A good friend of mine brought this to my attention last night, and I havent been able to get it off of my mind.


This video is the last transmission from the Maywood, CA police department. The Maywood Police have been unable to survive the disastrous passing of proposition 101, which decreases tax income to the cities, and therefore makes it impossible for the local police, fire and EMS to continue service. Its pathetic, It should be illegal, and it makes me sick to my stomach. 


And the scary thing is... we are facing this same proposition on our ballots in November.


Godspeed Maywood PD, you served your citizens with honor and dignity, I pray your officers who lost their lives in the line of duty did not perish for nothing..

I love animals...

Somewhere, down deep inside, I have a theory. I believe that having an inherent love for animals will help you live longer. I believe animals bring peace to your soul, like nothing else in life.

I feel joy when I walk in the front door after a particularly exasperating or frustrating day and our dogs come running with tails wagging, big smiles on their faces and barks of happiness.

I feel joy when I hold my little Frankie on my lap, and he lays his chin on my knee, or he snuggles up against my leg, any position that he can, to just touch me. I relax when I pet him, as I read or watch TV or surf the internet.

I believe God created animals to help us through each day. Even if  we are upset, our loyal pets can be there to give us comfort.

My dream is to someday be able to spend all of my working hours with animals, dogs and horses are my favorites, but I have to admit that I love all of them.

I found this video and I hope it makes you smile. 

My wish for you is to love an animal today. they will always love you back. 

peace my friends, until next time.

Technical Help?? And please pass the gravy!

I need Technical help!! I have had people tell me that they cannot post comments on my blog, so I have been all over looking for problems that might be causing this, but havent found a thing.


Thanks to Chrissie, I have updated to the new blog draft format, so hopefully that will change things?? 


I have to apologize, other than delete this blog and start another one I dont know what to do, but will welcome any suggestions. 


Anyway, moving on, I am hungry. LOLOL really hungry. LOLOL Weight watchers is kicking my butt this week, I want mashed potatoes, home made yeast rolls, fried chicken and GRAVY! I want my moms gravy to be exact.... I wish I had perfected her recipe before she passed away, or maybe its a good thing that I didnt? 


My favorite meal that my mom used to make was round steak, mashed potatoes and gravy. (notice the common thread here, my dad loved gravy. LOL) she would pound the round steak, dredge it in flour, cook it in bacon grease in her cast iron skillet, and then make white gravy in the same skillet. mmmmmmm!! 


Somehow, grilled chicken breasts and salad just do not compare.


Off to find me some gravy! LOLOL have a great day everyone!

The Big C

I saw previews today of a new TV show coming on Showtime. It is called "The Big C", and in short, it is about a woman who is diagnosed with Cancer.

Since I havent seen the show yet, (it premiers in August) it appears that she decided to take an attitude to live every day to its fullest, even going to a restaurant and ordering "lots of desserts and liquor". I started to think, when I saw this clip, what would I do in the same situation.

I am always preaching to people to "live every day like its your last". I see people die at a very young age pretty frequently and it reminds me that we really shouldn't sweat the small stuff. But I am not sure that I follow my own advice.

Of course, I really don't know what I would do if that happened to me, and I hope I never have to make that decision, but if it came up, I think I would do just what this character is doing.

Damn the diet! Damn the frustration of my job! Damn the negative people who always try to butt into my life! I would watch the clouds, smell the flowers,soak up the sun, eat all the chocolate that I want, tell my loved ones just how much I love them, hug my dogs and I would want to go to sleep at night exhausted and at peace in my heart.

What would you do??

OOOPS!!

I completely forgot to make a blog post yesterday! Its not like I didnt have anything to talk about, but I forgot..

So much for my goal of posting every day for a week, huh? oh well...

Well, on with todays blog post. I am using today to just jot down a few random thoughts, sometimes I have to unload my mind and this is how I do it!

My friends and family back east have been on my mind because they are all suffering through a huge heat wave, 100+ temps with high humidity. I hate humidity. I have known some people who love humidity but that isnt me. And when you combine the high temps and high humidity... OMG how do you all breathe??

Has anyone out there been watching the ABC Family series "Huge"? It is really good. About overweight teenagers at a "fat camp" and the escapades that they go through there. One of the cool things about this series is, that the production company hired all plus sized actors and actresses to be in the series. I'll bet that has never happened in Hollywood before.

How on Earth does that guy on the show "man vs Food" eat all of that food without being grossly obese??? He obviously has a better metabolism than I do. LOL

gotta run, have a great day everyone!

What is your take on this?

The state of unemployment in the nation....

Our community is full of unemployed folks. We have, or I guess, used to have a large group of oil field workers here. Until March of 2009 when the oil companies decided that if the State of Colorado wanted to tax their business, then they would just go play somewhere else.

For the most part, this is a good thing. About every 7-10 years this happens and those of us who have been around for a while have seen them come and seen them go.

But the one problem that they left behind (if you dont count the destroyed land and polluting the water and killing the wildlife) anyway, one of the problems they left behind is a horde of unemployed individuals with huge unemployment checks!

I spoke to a guy who came into our ER who was an unemployed "rig worker". He shared with me that he was bringing home $1500/week on unemployment because of the job that he once held with the oil company. Now, this guy was clearly not a rocket scientist. In fact, it is probably safe to say that he was lucky to graduate from high school. He and his wife had moved here from Michigan to "get in on the big money" and because of the dangerous job he held with the oil company he made the "big money", and now the big unemployment check!

These people are now going on two years unemployed. They have exhausted the original unemployment period, they have exhausted TWO extensions applied by the state of Colorado and now they are waiting to see if Congress is going to give them 90+ more weeks of unemployment!!!

I say, enough is enough. We have 10% unemployment here in our valley, but that doesn't mean there aren't jobs. After looking at the want ads in our local paper, I can pick out several jobs that are available for people to do. How long are we, as taxpaying Americans supposed to sit back and fork out checks to these people???

What do you think?

Also, if you are having problems commenting on this blog, please email me. (veetach@bresnan.net) I cant figure out why this is happening, if it is still happening.

I want cake!!!

Have you ever had such a craving that it lasted for days and days? I have been craving cake for 3 days! What a coincidence that my cake craving is coinciding directly with my starting back on weight watchers......

To try to fulfill this craving, I have been trying to find a recipe for microwave cake-in-a-mug. There arent many out there, especially since I cant have chocolate anymore so I have to find other flavors.

My quest will go on and I will let you guys know if I find a good one.

I think our suffocating heat wave has finally broken! Today it rained and it was actually in the 80's! This is really refreshing since we have had 100+ degree temps for days.

Stay cool everyone!

Can I do it??

I am not a person who sets goals. In fact, I really LOATHE goals. I have never understood why people loudly announce their goals, it makes me think they are just setting themselves up for failure.

Maybe it has to do with my lifetime struggle with weight loss. Everyone wants you to set weight loss goals. I refuse. My best effort is to do the best I can and let it go at that. The same goes for everyday life.

WITH ONE EXCEPTION... I want to blog every day for the first week at least, that I have this blog. I used to blog every day on "One Step Forward" and then I got sidetracked and one thing led to another and one day led to a week and I stopped blogging.

SO, this will probably be the one and only time you hear me set a goal. Enough about that.

Just a few thoughts from the corners of my mind:

**OK, weather gods, this is for you.... TURN OFF THE DAMN HEAT ALREADY!!! It has been 100+ degrees here for about 6 or 7 days and we are getting cranky. We want out 93 degree July temperatures back!

** I dont know about you, but I really dont care if Lindsey Lohan goes to jail. I think it would do her good to sit in a dirty, roach infested cell, with a toilet exposed to the world and no time to smoke or use her cell phone. She is a criminal, she should be treated like a criminal, which, of course will not happen. Celebrity Justice will prevail.

** I am sick sick sick of drunk people!! America, (at least western Colorado) I dont care if you drink yourself to death, just dont make it my problem. STAY OUT OF THE ER!!!!

Stay tuned for more tomorrow....